Heart of a Soldier (Levi x OC) - ON HOLD
by thebonggirll
Summary: Merida Haruno was a girl who aspired to be a doctor just like her father, who left the house when she was ten and never returned. After Shinganshina fell, she decided to join the scouts and search for her only family left- her father. Merida was a soldier who held her head high and kept heart strong all the time - but, why was it weak when it came to humanity's strongest soldier.
1. Disclaimer

**Disclaimer**

**When Merida Haruno is 12 year old, Levi Ackerman is 18 year old. His life history might change slightly because of this. He is not in his 30s in this fanfiction. All those bothered by the change can stop reading.**

This is a work of fanfiction using characters from Attack on Titan or Shingeki no Kyojin, which is trademarked by Hajime Isayama.

The story I tell here is my own invention, and it is not purported or believed to be part of Hajime Isayama's story. This story is for entertainment only and is not part of the official story line.

All the characters are created and owned by Hajime Isayama, and I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Attack on Titan or Shingeki no Kyojin. But I do claim ownership of some of the characters added by myself for the progress of the story.

**This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever or without the permission of the publisher. Plagiarism or duplication of my ideas are prohibited and will be reprimanded if found.**


	2. Chapter 1 - Just a Kid

**SEASON - I**

**Chapter 1 - Just a Kid **

The door opened and the doctor came out sighing, taking off his gloves. "Wrap the bandages on the patient and write down a report. I expect the papers to be done by tomorrow." He stopped for a moment, "And...and, I hope you remember that the soldiers will come back today. Make sure you're here. We need all the staffs we can get cause it's gonna be messy."

"Yes sir. Uh," Merida hesitated for a moment before saying, "Did you get any-"

"I didn't Merida. If I got any news about him, I would've been the first person to contact you. Besides, you shouldn't even be here at this age. It's good that you have a dream but I can't let a 12 year old learn any further than wrapping up bandages and what medicines to use. There's no point in denying but you need to have the proper amount of knowledge to be here." Mr. Dave said.

"I-It's the only place where my father spent more time than he did at home." Merida sighed, "Thank you sir." She said and decided to take her leave to finish her work.

He smiled and left saying, "See you at dinner."

Merida's mother died giving birth to her and when her father left, she was only 10 years old. She was left all alone. It was particularly after a robbery took place at her home, when the doctor - Mr. Dave asked her to join his family, until her father came back. Ofcourse, he was nice and so was his wife but it felt like their sons felt differently. They felt she was invading and taking over their place, so they ignored her existence. But Merida was okay with that. She needed a safe place to live in and they provided her shelter, and she was grateful for it. Besides, she was slowly becoming a part of the family and she hoped someday the twins will accept her - well that, until her father comes back. Then everything will be normal and back to how it was before.

* * *

The hospital was packed the whole day and none of the doctors, especially nurses got any time to slack. Merida heard the people talk about the little ruckus that happened just after the soldiers arrived. No doubt about it, everyone was looking for answers and hoped the sacrifices that the soldiers made contributed to some kind of progress towards success. While most of the people were insensitive, only a few understood the value of a soldier's life. After all, they were not just pawns, they were all fighters - not to forget the fact that they all belonged to a family, and they suffered a loss too.

"Get some rest." The head nurse said turning to Merida who was working on arranging the medicines of a patient, "It's an order."

Most nurses in the hospital looked after Merida like their own family, since she spent a lot of the time here even when she was just a toddler. They were also the ones who taught her about what adolescence is and even went to the length of embarrassing her by congratulating about getting her period in front of everyone. Ofcourse everyone was a doctor here, but it was her first time and she didn't want the whole world to know anyway. The head nurse, Rin Tanaka, particularly adored her and even though she was strict some time, she spent a lot of time with Merida talking about the interesting stories of her experience in the hospital during her whole career. Recently though she talked about her engagement and how her fiance proposed her, when people started noticing a ring on her finger.

Merida walked outside to a nearby stall to get something to eat. The sky started to look golden as the sun peeked over the walls before disappearing completely.

"Finally got a break?" The shopkeeper asked giving her the usual cup of tea she likes. She didn't get to answer him as the ground shook, breaking the utensils in the shop, followed by smoke covering the sky. Merida followed the people who were pointing up at the sky and running.

And she wished she didn't. She came to a horrific sight of a titan - a titan taller than the 50 ft. wall. She has never seen a titan, but the sight of a human without skin was scary. But the nightmare didn't end there as there was another ear bleeding sound followed by a huge gust of wind. Merida couldn't balance herself and fell down, tears gathering on the corner of her eyes. Titans were streaming in and people were screaming. She got up with shaky legs and ran as fast as she could've to the hospital. It looked like everyone was running out of there while the soldiers were putting on their uniforms again. She tried to find any kind of known face through the crowd in panic when a hand roughly turned her around.

"What are you doing here! I thought you ran away! Why-" Rin yelled sweating and pulling Merida by her hand.

"Wh-Where is Mr. Dave?" Merida asked as she heard someone scream for help, "We can't just leave all of them here. I can't leave without him too. I n-need to look for him-"

_Slap!_

The head nurse slapped and shook her saying, "Just snap out of it! They already left Merida! They LEFT. You were just his colleague's daughter and nothing else! NO ONE IN THE HIGHER POSTS CARES UNLESS YOU ARE FAMILY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!"

Merida's heart dropped at her comment, her eyes wide in fear, as she started grasping the situation in her mind. Her feet started working at the realization and moved back. "I need to go at the moment but you have to run okay? Whatever happens, avoid the titans and RUN. I-It's an order." Rin said, looking at her with hopeful eyes.

"O-Okay." Merida said as she looked at Rin running away and looking frantically for someone.

She snapped out of her daze and focused on exiting the area. She knew there was no time to waste. People she knew already left - or atleast she hoped so. The injured soldiers were still fighting , some of them were lying dead on the streets - half of their bodies missing. And people she recognized on her way to the hospital were screaming for help. Her small figure managed to dodge and sneak out of titan's sight. Her mind was filled with the thoughts of her father - how will he find her if she goes now? Where is he? Does he have any idea of what's happening here? _Is he alive?_

Merida knew she was near the exit when she heard a soldier announce "Hurry up! Keep your eye on the gate. Drop everything! Find the nearest ship and climb aboard! These things aren't gonna give you a headstart!"

There was a lot of crowd near the ship but she managed to push herself forward into the ship. She flopped down to sit and took long breaths - her eyes lost all colour. The ship started pulling forward and closed it's gates. Merida could hear all the people screaming for help. Some jumping forward and trying to hold on to the edge of the ship. She can hear canon bursts. People screaming to let their kids in the ship at least.

But here she was, sitting safe and all alone. That's right, _alone_. She could've just helped someone - anyone. But she didn't and she ran like a coward. The feeling of guilt and shame washed down on her.

"_Disgusting. A bloody coward. I don't even deserve to be a nurse. I have...no one._" Merida got consumed by her dark thoughts - it was almost like she was in a dark tunnel and all alone. There was no hope left.

"Excuse me?" She heard a kind voice. "A-Are you okay? You're near the edge you know." Merida snapped out of her thoughts and looked at the person behind her. A boy with blond hair in bob cut looked at her worriedly.

"What was I doing? I," Merida muttered and stared at his face, suddenly realizing, "I still need to find my father."

"I don't really have any words of console b-but, if you need any help, I-I will do...as much as I can." The boy said, confused, if he was supposed to say that or something else at a time like this.

That's it. Those were the only words that were needed to fill the dark tunnel with light. She just needed a ray of hope and some kind of support when she felt all alone. Some kind of energy to make her get up and fight again.

Merida cried and howled in anger, fear and pain after a very long time. All of the emotions that she was suppressing - never dropping a single tear even when her father didn't come back for months and she had no one - it all burst out.

After all, she's just a kid.


	3. Chapter 2 - New Friends

**SEASON - I**

**Chapter 2 - New Friends**

Bad news travels fast. Hours after Shinganshina fell every man, woman and child within the interior knew that the unthinkable had come to pass. Terror spread like wildfire.

Merida was quietly standing near the edge of the ship, she was finally getting a grip on her nerves. Her eyes were searching for some sign of Rin but it didn't look like she made it in. The kind blond haired guy's name was Armin. Although he was relieved that his friends made it alive, going by the look of their faces, he didn't want to ask what happened.

She heard footsteps behind her and Armin asking, "What's wrong? You've seen something?" Merida flinched when the brunet friend of Armin slammed his hands and held the railings tight with tears in his eyes saying, "I'm gonna put a stop to this. I'll kill them all. Every last one." He had a deadly look in his face and it was evident that whatever this guy faced was brutal and no one will be able to stop him in anyway from whatever he's gonna do.

Merida felt it wasn't a good time to butt in and ask for their names. But from what she heard, Armin called the brunet Eren and the girl along with him, Mikasa.

In terrified haste, the central government declared the districts behind Wall Shinganshina a lost cause and declared all mankind to retreat behind Wall Rose. Estimates held that nearly ten thousand lives were lost due to the titans.

Everyone who came in the ship were currently outside trying to get their hands on any kind of food that the military provided outside the warehouse. The place that previously was a food reserve became a place for the refugees.

Merida was trying to squeeze her way through the crowd, but didn't have any luck. People were pushing and fighting each other. "Hey," Armin called her, "Grandpa scrounged a little extra by telling that it was for the kids." He handed her a piece of bread.

"Oh uh, thank you Armin." Merida noticed his friends coming out of the refugee camp. "Your friends are here." The boy ran towards his friends with the rest of the breads, handing them one each. She wasn't sure if she should join them or just stay out of their business. She was never good at making new friends. Ofcourse, she was comfortable in talking with the people back at home because she grew up around the hospital and was the doctor's daughter. But she never had the thought of being completely alone in an unknown place, trying to survive with the bare minimum food or shelter she was provided, with no one but strangers around her. Yes, she did take her lifestyle for granted.

"Tch." Merida saw a military officer looking at them with a frown on his face, as if they were some kind of animal. It bothered her a bit. She has seen these officers in their hospital and most of them were awfully arrogant. She also dealt with a number of them who were rude and often hit on some young nurses but she had no right to say anything. She was after all, _a kid_.

"Nothing more gratifying than seeing our rations go to these animals. Guess we gotta beef up the herd though. Eat up, the titans like some meat on the bones." The military officer said. This was the last straw for Eren as he marched over the man and kicked his leg, while Armin tried to stop him. It was evident that he's gonna create a scene. Merida finally realized that it was time to move when the officers kicked Eren down on the ground.

"You don't...you don't know what it's like. You've seen one? You've seen what they can do?" Eren exclaimed. The officers didn't take his comment in a good way and were marching towards him to hurt him again. Merida sensing the bad vibe quickly went to Eren, trying to get him up. But something in her snapped and she ended up saying coldly, "Some kind of training you've got where you're hurting a kid and shutting him down for speaking up. How about you show your anger on the titans instead of us? It will save you from the embarrassment you are." Well, she didn't want to be one of those who acted irrationally but it irritated her how these officers acted like they knew everything and everyone was obligated to listen to their nonsense.

"You little-"The officer went forward towards her but Armin interrupted and stood between them saying, "They're sorry! They didn't mean it, they're just hungry. We all get that way, speak our minds out of hunger sometimes? Forgive them." Sensing the judgemental eyes of the people on him, the military decided to go along and said, "Yeah well, keep in mind that we have given up our shares so that you can eat. In case you hadn't noticed, we're all hungry. Tell your buddy that a little gratitude goes a long way."

"Bastard. I'm not about to show gratitude to a coward." Eren said, clenching his teeth. The three of them walked towards the refugee camp. Armin stopped midway and turned around, "Come on Merida." No other word was needed to understand that she was a part of their group now - well atleast that's what Armin's words felt like. She wasn't so sure about the other two though. Eren didn't give it much thought since his mind was filled with vengeance. But Mikasa looked like she didn't trust her yet. Well, same went for Merida as she couldn't immediately trust these strangers but surely a part of her knew that they were good people.

"I can't do this. I'm going back to Wall Maria. The titans have to pay for what they've done to us." Eren said.

"Hey now, you're not serious. That's your stomach talking." Armin said. He looked worried since Eren was a stubborn person and when he talked this seriously, it usually meant that he will do it.

"No I'm not! Wake up! The guys standing between us and them are just a bunch of talk." Eren threw the bread towards Armin, "To hell with all of them."

"Yeah?" Armin said catching the bread, "What are you gonna do? Starve?"

"When are you gonna get sick of their charity? Too much is handed to us! We have to stand on our own two feet!" Eren argued.

"To do what?! To get killed by titan?! I know I used to think that our future was beyond the walls. But it's like you said! I never thought what they would do to us?!" Armin argued back.

It didn't look like their fight was going to end any time soon. Merida quietly walked further away from there. She didn't want to be in middle of their argument when she didn't know about them much, or what the faced - what pushed them to say what they were saying. She knew that she had to join the military in order to find her father, but decided to tell them about it later. At this moment she didn't want anyone, especially Eren to be influenced by her decision just because of his anger. Their fight soon came to an end though, when Mikasa punched Eren and forced him to eat.

A few days later, throngs of starved refugees were put to plough on the wastelands as a last effort to raise food. But the cold hard ground yielded nothing. In the following year 846, the remaining refugees old enough to serve in the military were tasked to reclaim Wall Maria - including Armin's parents. Of the two hundred fifty thousand sent, nearly twenty percent of the surviving population, not even two hundred made it back. While it did nothing to drive back the titans, their sacrifices did atleast lessen the affect the famines within the interior.

Armin cried a lot that day. And that's when he understood the emotion and determination behind Eren's words.

Merida and her new friends together decided to join the cadets.


	4. Chapter 3 - Training

**SEASON - I**

**Chapter 3 - Training**

"Straighten your spines cadets! The 104 cadet corp boot camp starts now! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm commandant Keith Shadis and you are going to hate me!" The head instructor of the 104th Training Corp shouted as he continued asking the new cadets for their introduction.

Merida along with the other three enrolled in the military after two years when they reached the proper age, i.e, 12 years old. They were only two years younger than her. Although she wanted to join earlier than them, Armin insisted to join later along with them. She didn't want attachments when she knew what she was going to get into. But the fact that these people also faced the things she did created a bond between them and somewhere along the way during their sufferings, she already knew that she cared for her new friends. And, so did they.

The commandant was no where near polite and quite scary. Apart from some doctors and teachers in her life, Merida didn't face someone so strict. She did the mistake of yawning though. The kind of words she received from him was bothersome, sure, but she had a father who didn't appreciate her and was always on about what she could do to become better. So this wasn't something that she couldn't handle. Although, she was a bit worried about the training that was going to start the next day. Apart from running, Merida didn't have physical strength much. And except for those little tips the nurses often gave to her of how to tackle men if they touched her non-consensually, she didn't have other kind of physical training. Well, she did have an ambition of being a doctor before that went down the drain after Shiganshina fell.

The introductions went on and came to an end after Shadis punished a girl who had the courage to eat potato in the middle of all this and also had the guts to offer a bit to him. Ofcourse, either it was guts or plain stupidity.

Some of the people couldn't take the pressure and left to work in the fields. Followed by it was the dinner where cadets surrounded Eren, asking him about the Colossal Titan when they heard where he was from. For Merida, those questions were a bit too much as she didn't want to think of the suffering that she saw that day. Eren on the other hand looked cool and often gave over-confident replies which ofcourse made one particular cadet question him differently. As one could remember, his name was Jean Kirschtein and he wanted to join the Military Police Regiment in the hopes of finding a peaceful life.

"Hey are you crazy or something?" Jean said with an amused expression, "Not that it's my business or something but signing up for the Recon is like a death sentence."

"I guess we'll see. Or atleast I will. You seem content in hiding within the interiors with the Military Police." Eren said.

"Look I'm just speaking honestly here kid. I think it's better than being some loudmouth bragger tough guy wannabe pretending as if he's not piss scared like the rest of us." Jean replied keeping up his nonchalant expression. But these words triggered Eren as he stood up glaring at him saying, "Are you trying to pick a fight?"

This made Jean get up too as he said, "Sure, it makes no difference to me." But they got interrupted by the bell. Jean sighed and said, "Hey, I apologize. Sorry for calling you names and dismissing your choice of career," he put forward his hand waiting for his hand to be shaked by Eren in return, "put it forward kid. What do you say?" Eren stared at him for a moment but accept his apology with an apology in return.

Merida quietly observed the ruckus and continued eating her share of bread out in the balcony. Eren left the dining hall, followed by Mikasa. There's no doubt in it that even though Mikasa doesn't really take care about her looks, she was exceptionally pretty. And including the fact that not only was she physically fit and admirable, she was also intelligent. But, she was also a bit of an idiot when it came to emotions and cared about Eren a bit too much, almost in a way that made others feel very unimportant. Although, Eren looked like he hated the attention.

As Mikasa was going to exit the dining hall, an awestruck Jean stuttered and called out for her. "U-uh excuse me!" Mikasa stopped and turned around as Jean continued saying with a blush covering his face, "I uh, I just want- uh, I mean, I've never seen anyone like you before. Uh, I mean, I'm sorry, you have a really beautiful black hair."

"Thank you." Mikasa said and left. Jean stood there for a moment and ran to the balcony to catch a glimpse of her again. But his face dropped as he saw Mikasa and Eren walking back together. He wiped his hand on Connie's shirt, and said that he was wiping his trust.

"It ended before even it started. Dude, that's kinda sad no offence." Merida said chuckling.

"What are you even talking about?" Jean turned around and saw her leaning on the railings.

"Oh please Jean, you were so obvious back there. Mikasa is kind of stupid in these stuffs she won't really get it. Your jaw was wide open, _kid_." Merida said sipping onto some water and keeping the dishes on the table. "Good save on your point about her hair though."

"You are friends with them, aren't you? Why are you guys even following his steps? He's literally suicidal. But then again I can't just judge your choice based on where you came from and what you experienced."

"I met them after Shiganshina fell, so I don't really know about them much. And as for me, I plan to join the Military Police in the hope of finding my father." Merida said.

"Most people don't talk about these stuffs here unless they know that person you know?" Jean said.

"It's not something very hideous. Everyone present here has a story and not everyone has to feel embarrassed by it." Merida said as she started heading towards her dorm. The comment stopped Jean as he kept quiet for a moment and then ran to catch up to her, "And..going by your expression, you also have a story but you'd rather not talk about it." She smirked looking at the boy beside her.

"Good observation. Well, atleast you don't get offended that easily unlike that idiot." Jean said, smiling.

"Nah, you weren't nice either. You can be honest without sounding like a jerk too. But, you apologized so that's good. Besides, Eren is kind of short tempered." Merida said.

"Fine. But he was acting like he's a hero or something. It pissed me off a bit." He said rolling his eyes as the time came where they had to go their separate ways - to their respective dorms.

"It was nice talking to you Jean. Not that of a jerk that I thought you were. And make sure not to fall that hard for Mikasa. I don't really feel like she'll ever be available for anyone except Eren." She said.

"Shut it." Jean chuckled.

* * *

The next day the cadets appeared on the training grounds for their aptitude tests. As they gathered around, Shadis yelled, "It's aptitude test time! So listen up! There is no place for you here if you cannot perform! Fail and be ready to be shifted to the fields!"

The 3D Maneuver Gear Training included the cadets to balance themselves in the air wearing the gear. Most of the cadets that Merida was familiar with, were fairly well and managed to balance themselves. Mikasa was exceptionally well and knew exactly what to do. But Eren on the other hand was struggling a lot with his gear and was hanging upside down. Merida understood what she had to do, but it was easier said than done. She had to balance her body weight and legs in order to stay up in the air.

Eren stayed back and practiced to get better at it, with the help of his three friends. Well that, until he lost his balance and hit his forehead. His head was bandaged and no doubt in it, everyone was mocking him in the dinner hall. But of all the times that Merida saw him, this was the first time that she saw him so desperate. And even though she felt bad, there was no way that she could help him. The least she could do in this situation is to support him and give him any kind of positive outlook for whatever comes in front of him. Eren then decided to ask help from whoever was capable of teaching him and left quickly with Armin after dinner.

"Your friend looked really pitiful today." Merida heard a familiar voice say, "He even asked me for help."

"Sure he's overconfident at times but it's because he's ambitious. And as you saw earlier, he can put down his ego if it comes to his ambition." She said. "Just go easy on him Jean. I know you'll tease him about it."

"Well can you blame me? I can't miss this opportunity. Who knows when I can find one again!" Jean laughed. "Can I ask you something?"

"You are asking for permission?" Merida chuckled, "Go on."

"Hey, I might be a bit of a dick but I know how to respect people." Jean said, "Anyways, why do you always have the last bit of your breakfast outside? You've got anxiety or something?"

"Nah, it's just that after being yelled at the whole day I want some kind of silence. And it's kind of nice outside at night. Peaceful." She sighed.

"I guess so. But," Jean's face darkened, "the silence is kind of terrifying. A false hope of how everything is fine. There's nightmare behind those walls."

"Tsk, you're so pessimistic." Merida elbowed him, "Look at it this way. There's hell behind these walls but here, at this moment? I am provided with shelter and food. I can see the moon and the stars covering the sky. My friends are all safe and here with me. That's all but it's enough."

"...so like living the moment." Jean smiled.

"Yeah." She said smiling back.


End file.
